• In a public restroom

        Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below

  • In a laundromat

        Automatic Washing Machines

        Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out

  • In a London department store

        Bargain Basement Upstairs

  • In an office

        Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken

  • In an office

        After Tea Break, Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board

  • Outside a secondhand shop

        We Exchange Anything – Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?

  • Notice in health food shop window

        Closed Due To Illness

  • Spotted in a safari park

        Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

        I sure hope so

  • Seen during a conference

        For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn't Know It, There Is A Daycare On The 1st Floor

  • Notice in a farmer's field

        The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.

  • Message on a leaflet

        If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons

  • On a repair shop door

        We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door – The Bell Doesn't Work)

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

  • Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

        This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

        Really? Ya think?

  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

        Now that's taking things a bit far!

  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

        What a guy!

  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death

        No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

        See if that works any better than a fair trial!

  • War Dims Hope for Peace

        I can see where it might have that effect!

  • If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

        Ya think?!

  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

        Who would have thought!

  • Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

        They may be on to something!

  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

        You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

  • Man Struck By Lightning

        Faces Battery Charge

        He probably IS the battery charge!

  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

        Weren't they fat enough?!

  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

        That's what he gets for eating those beans!

  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

        Do they taste like chicken?

  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

        Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

        Boy, are they tall! Would they make a great basketball team.

  • And the winner is….
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

        Did I read that right ?

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