Hometown News

Vol. 2, No. 13, October 20, 1990
[Editor's Note: This is most definitely the last issue.]

Bill graduates!

After seven months, Bill has finally completed his computer programming course! The school, MTI Business College (a school Bill recommends, though not for computer programming) had a graduation ceremony and everything; complete with caps and gowns (a wonderful evening gown, great for any formal occasion).
Now maybe Bill will get a real job. Maybe.

Doug starts show

Doug has already begun his Christmas season art show. This year it's in Lancaster, which is north of Los Angeles, south of Bakersfield, west of Las Vegas and east of Ventura. And this time he's got a new product, personalized mugs. They're reportedly selling like hotcakes. So, place your orders early!

Don buys motorcycle

Yeah, another one. Now he has three – one for touring, one for daily commuting, and one with training wheels for Diane.
Speaking of threesomes, Diane and Don also have three cats – one for show (Bart), one for protection (Conan), and one with training wheels (DOS).


  • Halloween Oct. 31
  • Bill, Nov. 1
  • Election Day Nov. 6
  • Diane Nov. 8?
  • Thomas Nov. 15?
  • Thanksgiving Nov. 22

    [Editor's Note: The following article is solely the opinion of its author. This newsletter accepts no responsibility for its content or any consequences therefrom, thereby or therewith.]

    • With the November 6th elections just around the corner, there's a chance to make yourself heard once again. So get out there, team, and vote, vote, vote! (Bill made me hype this up, I swear!) [No he didn't.]
    • With Wilson or Feinstein, our future looks bleak. [Vote for Steve! He's running for governor this year.] But there is another area where there's still hope – the environment. Let me show you how I'll vote. And if you vote against me you'll be omitted from the upcoming Holmes family documentary. [That's a threat.]
      • Prop 125 – Public Mass Transit Act. VOTE YES
      • Prop 126 – Legislature's alcohol tax measure. VOTE NO
      • Prop 128 – "Big Green". Cuts pollution. VOTE YES
      • Prop 130 – Forest & Wildlife Initiative. VOTE YES
      • Prop 134 – "Nickel-a-drink" tax. VOTE YES
      • Prop 135 – "Big Brown". Cancels Prop 128. VOTE NO
      • Prop 138 – "Big Stump". Cancels Prop 130. VOTE NO
      • Prop 149 – Park & Wildlife Bond Act. VOTE YES
      • Prop 90135 – Death penalty for litterbugs. VOTE YES
    • I hope this clears up any confusion you may have had. I am accepting campaign donations now for my 1992 bid to be the Environmental Czar. Please give as generously as possible. – Czar Douglas

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