Note: I am no longer on Twitter or Facebook, but here's what I've managed to salvage from back then.

My Twitter feed:

Some of my better tweets, according to me …

  • Never work FOR someone else, work WITH them.
  • I do some of my best work when I'm supposed to be doing something else.
  • Elizabeth this AM: Dad, can you get my other shoe outside? It's frozen to the ground!
  • My biggest worry, of course, is that I will no longer have anything to worry about.
  • Pulling my daughter in a sled on snowy sidewalk to friends' house, I turn around & see her waving like a beauty queen on a pageant float.
  • There's something just sad about a middle-aged man admiring himself in the mirror. But enough about me. Kidding. It was someone else.
  • Me: Can we throw this out?

    Elizabeth: Fine.

    Me: I see you've learned from your mom how to say “fine” without it meaning “fine” at all.

  • People need to be listened to – preferably agreed with – more than anything else. If you could do one thing for someone, that would be it.
  • 9yo daughter buys painting at Walgreens, and says, “It's made in China. They're really good painters.”
  • Wife tried to foist hazelnut creamer on me. Had to set her straight. I'm a manly man, and manly men drink their coffee black!
  • At Dr today the hot female nurse practitioner said “Wow” when I took off my shirt. Can you blame her? Too bad it was for wrong reason.
  • Life is like flying: You have to keep moving & make constant adjustments, but there's always time for a few loop-de-loops!
  • The person who knows that they're not innately superior to anyone is the better-informed person.
  • If anything is learned, it's not time wasted.
  • Life is so huge and full of problems. Luckily, life is so huge and full of answers.
  • Can someone please create an app that will block images of all recognizable politicians? My online world would be a better place.
  • Intellect is great, but don't fall too much in love with it. It's just one of several tools we have for navigating/creating our lives.
  • 9yo explains the FIVE basic elements: Earth needs Water, making Air, causing Electricty, making Fire, put out with Water. Full circle!
  • Don't hate others for being different from you. Do you really WANT everyone to be just like you? I didn't think so.
  • IQ doesn't matter. The smartest people are those who make the best use of their time, energy and talents .. without being a**holes.
  • et cetera (a.k.a. “etc.”): It's Latin for “blah blah blah.”
  • Daughter made my day. I said a misbehaving PC was retarded, but I outsmarted it and fixed it. She said, “Of course you did. You're my Dad!”
  • Having friends is so much better than having enemies.
  • Having an Obama 2012 sticker is as bad as a Bush 2004 sticker. You didn't learn your lesson after their first term?
  • “Snowboard Cross” is definitely my favorite winter Olympics sport! But to add difficulty they should make them answer texts while boarding!
  • Watching TV weather alerts is always educational. I always learn of a town nearby I'd never heard of. This time it's Dull, TN! Wow.
  • “Be as smart as you can, but remember it is always better to be wise than smart. – Alan Alda” My wife & I said this last night!
  • My 8yo daughter asking me to cook bacon & eggs, starts nodding her head, saying, “Yes.” A natural-born manipulator. I'm so proud. 🙂
  • I realize I'm at the Y, with no expectation of privacy or “quiet,” but I wish these women behind me would shut up! I'm trying to write! 🙂
  • Apparently girls rule and boys drool. Who knew? Makes sense, though.
  • U want heaven? Be an angel.
  • People aren't science experiments, they're works of art & should be treated as such.
  • As I was picking her up after school recently, Elizabeth got into the car and, very seriously, announced, “I can understand gibberish.” I just cracked up, with that gasping-for-breath laugh. She said, “What?” And I said, “I love you. You're just so funny sometimes!”
  • 8yo, talking about something she'll do as a teenager, pauses and adds, “But, you'll be dead by then.” I just had to laugh. So sweet.

More still (with some duplicates, I'm sure)…"

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