Kansas. What an incredibly boring state. Tara, her sister Sandie, niece Destiny and I flew from Nashville to attend her youngest sister Stephanie's high school graduation in Council Grove, Kansas. Tara and I figured we'd find something to do that night upon arrival in Kansas City, followed by some more touring the next day before catching up with Sandie, Destiny and Stephanie, who had gone straight from the airport to Council Grove.

We were wrong. There were no concerts, sporting events, cultural events or anything else of interest happening in Kansas City. We drove around town just to kill time and maybe see a few sights.

No luck. Usually there's something worth looking at! Not so in Kansas City. We did find a quaint little deli off Main Street called JT's, but that was it.

So we left for Topeka, our next night's hotel location, a little earlier than originally planned. Of course, there's nothing to do in Topeka, either, but we expected that so it wasn't so bad.

Stephanie's graduation ceremony was pretty much what you would expect from a high school graduation. First, some sort of glee club sang horribly, then the co-salutatorians each, in turn, spoke gibberish. Then the co-valedictorians each spoke. The first girl was sweet but scared out of her mind. Everyone sighed in relief (and sympathy) when she finished her speech. The other girl must have been a math major, for she broke life down into days, hours, minutes, seconds and milliseconds, with examples of what a difference each one could make. In spite of how I made it sound, it was actually a pretty good speech. But she wasn't as pretty as the first girl, so everyone booed her off the stage. Just kidding.

After the ceremony, friends and relatives of Stephanie met up at a local house rented out for special occasions such as we were enduring. I sat around nibbling peanuts and smiling benignly a lot. Tara videotaped and tried to avoid everyone she despised, which included pretty much everyone but me and her blood relatives. Tara's current stepfather and Sandie prepared (and spiked) the punch. Stephanie made a speech declaring her future plans which, to my surprise, included the possibility of law school. She'd probably make a good lawyer. No offense.

Finally, mercifully, it ended and we drove back to our motel in Topeka. We had to double-back to pick up Sandie and Destiny the next day, but all that was left now was to catch our flight out of Kansas City and back to Nashville!

The moral of this story? Kansas: Avoid it if you can.

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