The Daily Gargoyle

Vol. 2, No. 14, November 16, 1990
"Just when you thought it was safe to open the mailbox!"

[Editor's note: For those of you who actually believed, or hoped, that there wouldn't be any more newsletters, well, all we can say is… sorry! These things won't stop until somebody blows up our office… which could happen any day now, judging by the pipe bomb in yesterday's mail.]

And now, the news …

Bill hits 30!

In an unexpected turn of events, Bill has reached the age of 30. "I never thought I'd make it," said an astonished Bill. Dad and Eleanor were nice enough to take him out to dinner. They took him to McDonald's and left him there.
To celebrate life at 30, Bill is moving again. If and when he gets a permanent address, he'll let everyone know, unless he doesn't like you. Why is he moving? "I think everyone should move at least once a year," said Bill.

Steve to undergo brain surgery

Well, actually it's dental surgery. But we figured, since they'll be in the general area anyway … Steve doesn't know when it will happen. But he's really looking forward to it.

Family dog turns to crime

Lucy's dog, Credence, has turned to a life of crime. She's being trained to sniff out drugs. Credence, not Lucy. Lucy already knows how to sniff out drugs. "Right now we're practicing with marijuana," says Lucy. "Eventually, we'll work up to cocaine and heroin."
What we're wondering is, where does Lucy get these drugs to practice with?

Mike writes column

No, not for this newsletter. He writes a regular music news column for his college newspaper. We read his column. We liked it. We offered him a job. But he declined, citing religious differences. So, we were forced to find some music news ourselves, below:


Sacramento's Top 40 radio station KROY-FM has been bought out. That frequency is now occupied by KSEG, a "classic rock" station.


"The mistake most people make is to put too much coffee in [the cup]." — Lionel Holmes

By the way, where will Christmas be held this year? What's for dinner? And is Bill invited?

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